Title: Only Natural
Author: Christina A
Fandom: Angel
Pairing: Angel/Faith
Characters: Angel, Faith, and an appearance from Buffy
Category: Drama, Angst, Het, Episode Related
Warning: None
Rating: R
Disclaimers: I do not own any of the characters. They belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Author’s Notes: The dialogue between Buffy and Angel was taken directly from the show.
Summary: Angel and Faith… They’re only natural.
*-*-*
Only Natural
by Christina A
It replayed in his mind verbatim. It was strange, though. The emotional effect was much less intense in the dream than it was when it actually happened. Whether it was that he’d gained some distance and perspective, or he had moved on, he didn’t know which. He wasn’t sure if he really cared.
//“You should have told me what was going on,” Buffy said, her voice a bit reprimanding.
He paused in his response. “I didn’t… I didn’t think it was your business.” He tried to say it as gently as possible. But there was no way he could say it without upsetting her.
“Not my business?” Her response was about as harsh as he expected.
“I needed more time with Faith,” he tried to explain, “I’m not sure…”
“You needed,” she interrupted and then paused for a long moment before continuing, “Do you have *any* idea what it was like for me to see you with her?” Her words were layered with disgust. “That you would behind my back…”
He felt the rise in anger, but tried desperately to remain calm. “Buffy, this wasn’t about you. This was about saving someone’s soul. That’s what I do here, and you’re not a part of it.” He was speaking faster, feeling the anger seeping through into his words even though he didn’t want it to. “That was your idea. Remember? We stay away from each other.”
“I came here because you were in danger,” she offered, though he doubted the sincerity in that.
And it came through in his tone. “I’m in danger every day. You came because of Faith. You were looking for vengeance.”
He knew he scored points when she retorted, “I have a right to it.”
It was then that the veil was lifted from his eyes. He wasn’t even sure who he was talking to anymore. “Not in my city,” he replied, a bit of warning in his voice.
It was then that a long, uncomfortable silence fell between them. She moved forward. To him, it seemed she no longer looked at him the same way. Or was it that he didn’t look at her the same? Either way, he knew this was the moment. The moment that would be their goodbye.
And if he had doubted it before, her next speech cemented it. “I have someone in my life now.” Her look told him she was either about to cry, or was intently gauging his reaction to that. It ripped his heart out, but he wasn’t going to let on about that. “That I love.” Again, gauging him. “It’s not what you and I had,” she offered as way of explanation. “It’s very new. You know what makes it new?” And it was here that her words turned into the knife that meant to cut and cut deeply. “I trust him. I *know* him.”
He almost couldn’t formulate the words. That was cruel. Harsh. There was no doubt about it. She wanted to hurt him, wanted to put the wedge between them in order to make up for the pain she felt when she saw him with Faith. He tried to keep the sarcasm from his voice at first, but the more he talked, the less he could hide it. “That’s great. It’s nice. You moved on.” He looked her in the eyes to make sure she got the point. “I can’t. I’m not allowed to. Remember?” Her level of selfishness and intentional infliction of pain was something he couldn’t believe. “I see you again; it cuts me up inside.” He went for honest. “And the only person I share that with, is me?” His voice grew louder; he couldn’t stop it. “You don’t know me anymore, so don’t come down here with your great new life and *expect* me to do things your way.” Having enough, he said, “Go home.” He really couldn’t look at her anymore and moved away from her to face the wall.
She grabbed her coat and stood at the stairway. He could hear the calm beating of her heart. She wasn’t even breathing heavy. “See,” she said softly, “Faith wins again.”
After all that, she still thought it was about Faith. “Go,” he said, adding finality to it.
With that, she was gone.
He tried to find a focus, a center. But all that resulted was a hard hit to the wall.
It was then that Wesley joined him. “You alright?” he asked.
Turning, he faced his friend. “I don’t,” he paused to find the right words, “For a taciturn shadowy guy, I have a big mouth.” It was in the reflection that he couldn’t believe that he’d said that to her.
“Do you want to go after her?” Wesley asked softly.
“Yes.”
Wesley paused for a moment. After all that he’d been through, he still managed to have some concern for his friend. “I don’t know how much my opinion counts for, but,” he paused for emphasis, “I think you did the right thing.”
“Yelling at Buffy?” Angel asked, confused.
“No. The other thing,” Wesley replied.
“I didn’t do it. Faith did.”
Wesley’s next comment came across as nothing but completely sincere. “I hope she’s strong enough to make it. Peace is not an easy thing to find.”
Angel nodded, but with all confidence said, “She has a chance.”//
Waking from the dream, he sat up. ‘She has a chance,’ he’d said. Sitting up, he glanced into the bedroom. Faith was sleeping soundly on his bed. He didn’t even ponder the strange circumstances that had led to her release from prison. As Cordelia said, ‘One must never question The Powers That Be.’ And for once, he hadn’t. Of course, they’d checked out Faith’s story, and her release had been legitimate.
And she’d come to him. He knew she would. Her time in prison had been a reflective time for her. She’d learned a lot, grown, and come to him for help. There was no way he was going to turn his back on her. Like him, she’d walked down a dark path, but she’d turned into the light. Truth be known, he was drawn to her. She wasn’t judgmental. She accepted him for what he was. The past played no more into his present than hers. She’d put his past behind her and was willing to look solely toward the future.
He knew it was something he couldn’t forget. Neither of them could forget their pasts, but she was right. They needed to work on the present, so they could have a future.
That comment had struck him. Did she mean together? She knew about the curse. He could never have perfect happiness, which meant he could never have a physically fulfilling relationship with her. But a companion, someone who understood him. She could have that, and so could he.
When he looked back at her, he found she was returning his gaze. “Couldn’t sleep,” he gave by way of explanation.
“Bad dream?” she asked, not moving.
He shrugged. “More like reality impeding on my good dreams.”
Her laughter filled the basement. It sounded good to Angel. “You have good dreams? How long do I have to atone before I get those?”
“Two apocalypses and a Falcor demon.”
She sat on the bed and patted the space beside her. They did this quite often, sitting in bed and talking. It was the best source of healing for both of them. When he sat beside her, she put her head on his shoulder and teased, “Now that is stopping apocalypses and killing the Falcor demon, right?”
“Very funny, Faith,” he said softly.
“Thought you’d like.”
There was a long moment of silence between them. It wasn’t uncomfortable though. It actually felt good… natural. When he looked down at her again, she had fallen back asleep. He ran a hand through her hair and watched her. She’d come such a long way. She was doing things on her own; Wesley was coming to trust her. Cordelia… well she was her own story, but Angel knew she’d come around. As far as he was concerned, Faith wasn’t going anywhere.
“Angel,” her voice filtered through his thoughts, “go back to sleep.”
*-*-*
Six months later…
The addition of the Slayer and a homeless vampire fighter named Charles Gunn made Angel Investigations nearly unstoppable. They’d moved into the Hyperion Hotel. Angel liked having the extra space.
He sat behind his desk, reading. Well, that wasn’t true. Actually what he was doing was listening, watching, only pretending to read. Faith and Cordelia were in deep debate over jelly-filled doughnuts and how many they could eat without gaining weight. Gunn was sharpening the weaponry, occasionally throwing a comment to the girls about how neither had to worry about gaining weight. Beside him, Wesley was pouring over the scroll. Angel had no idea what the man could be so interested in. Whatever it was, it had kept Wesley busy for days.
Angel was actually startled when Faith showed up at his door.
“Why is it you insist on sitting in here and sulking?” She walked into the office, a smile on her face as she moved to his side of the desk and sat on it.
He wasn’t exactly sure when he’d fallen in love with her. He couldn’t even pinpoint the moment he began to see her differently. But he did love her, he did see her differently, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could or would do about it. “I’m not sulking,” he lied. At her raised eyebrow, he offered, “I’m reading?”
“Bull,” she answered. Leaning in, she poked him in the chest. “You are sulking. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you; I’m not having any of it. If *I* have to get out there and live, so do you.”
“Faith,” he shut his book and took her hand. “You are human. You belong out there with them.”
“I’m the Slayer,” she reminded, “even more reason for me not to be. But I am. Integrating back into the world and all. You need to as well.” She turned and was now sitting on the side of the chair. “We work with them. Fight side-by-side with them. We save people, and they help… sometimes.”
“Faith,” Angel scolded lightly.
She merely laughed. “I’m kidding.” Her hand reached out to push him; she showed no surprise when he took it and held it. “If I need to be out there, you do too. If you stay in here, so am I.”
He continued to hold her hand. Staring out at the others, he said, “Let’s sit here then.” He didn’t look at her, but he could feel her eyes on him. She seemed to have this way of looking at him and seeing him. Not his physical attributes, but his soul.
He swallowed hard, more out of a way to control himself than a real need. Her head rested on his shoulder once again, and his arm moved to her waist. “Sounds good to me. I have more in common with you anyway.”
“Faith,” his voice dropped. How many times had he said her name now… three? Having her this close was a bit unnerving.
“It’s just sitting, Angel. Just sitting.”
She was right. Relaxing, he let her lean on him. The smell of her shampoo, the soap she loved to use, and the lotion she wore filled his senses. “Did you get a new lotion?” he asked. “I don’t think I’ve smelled…”
“It’s lilac. And yeah, it’s new. I stole it when Cord and I went to the mall.” She laughed again.
“I believed the lilac and the new. Not the stealing.”
“Good.”
They sat there for a while longer, not moving and not speaking. They didn’t need to. He couldn’t remember the last time something felt this good… this natural. With a slight pull from him, she moved into his lap. She curled into him, and he sighed. It seemed like the right thing to do.
Finis
Tags: angel, angel/fith, angst, buffy summers, drama, episode related, faith, het, rating: r